what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
zippers are such a cool invention
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
