i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
