I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
