When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
