What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
