so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
