You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
