drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
