Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
