I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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