my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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