I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
