i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
