shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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