my shit smells like andre
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
