Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
