Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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