He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
