im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
