My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
