it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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