He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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