I got chris browned last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Blood and glitter go together right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
