brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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