so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
