he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
