im about as happy as oj after his trial
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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