people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
