I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
