I will die if light touches me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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