You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
