I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm always down for nudity.
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