How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
