i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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