i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
