WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
