i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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