Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
