I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
