I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
