Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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