Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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