I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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