:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
