ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
