I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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