Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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