I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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