It's like God shit irony all over that family
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
