Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
