I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
