That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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