3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
